When trauma and power intersect

It has long been my experience that white women, traumatized by patriarchy, become tools of white supremacy.

White women talk about recognizing their privilege but what we also need them to do is recognize their trauma.

Hurt people hurt people, and while that isn't an excuse and doesn't let anyone off the hook, it is a dynamic that I believe needs to be unpacked and reckoned with.

White women need to heal their trauma so they can stop causing harm to people of color.

It's not just white women either.

I believe this is something we all need to be grapple with, especially when we are targeted by certain systems of oppression but privileged by others (which is most if not all of us).

What this requires is a consideration of how trauma intersects with power.

As with any situation, bringing a power analysis is critical to unpacking what is really going on. When we can make the power structures that are designed to be invisible a critical factor in our decision making, we can make different decisions that a) don't compound upon systemic and historical harm and b) shift towards equity, inclusion, justice and liberation for all.

Let me explain.

Many of us have or continue to experience trauma at the hands of those who contextually have more systemic power than us. For those who most align with power and privilege, this is often as a child or young adult. Even the most powerful adult was a more vulnerable child at one point. For others, the trauma is ongoing as well as historical and intergenerational.

Regardless of when it happened, the trauma enacted on us by those with more power can get later re-activated by those who hold less contextual power.

Physiologically, in our bodies, it feels the same, and so we react as though attacked - we go into fight, flight, freeze or appease.

But it's not the same.

When someone with institutional or systemic power reacts as though they have been attacked, it can be terrifying for those they have power over.

And there is historical and intergenerational trauma for those on the receiving end of how this plays out. White women's fear or reactions got Black men lynched, for example, and still can in the modern day equivalent of violence and police brutality. People, especially Black folks, can lose jobs, families, careers or their lives. When it's a white man who has experienced sexual abuse or other childhood trauma, the fallout for white women, people of color, those who identify as LGBTQIA+, and children, for example, are part of a systemic epidemic of violence.

Any system that is hierarchical and offers some degree of privilege to those who conform will benefit from those who are variously oppressed turning on each other and fighting over the crumbs.

Add to that alcoholism and addiction, whose roots in systemic oppression have not in my opinion been sufficiently studied, have at least been identified as family diseases - they gets passed on from generation to generation through relationships and not just genetics, along with the associated abuse and trauma.

It's everywhere.

What can we do?

I think the first step is to be aware of our own traumas and when they get activated. Instead of reacting, we can be aware of when we are going into a stress or trauma response, and recognize and name it for ourselves.

For example, we might feel our heartbeat quicken along with the rush of adrenaline. Our blood pressure might increase, which means we might be breathing more quickly and heavily. We might experience a change in body temperature - turning either cold and clammy, or hot and flushed. Cognitive function and memory may be affected. Tools and strategies that are usually at our fingertips become suddenly hard to reach for.

For example, I find that usually I am really good at summarizing, seeing the big picture and identifying the steps to move forward, but when I'm in a stress or trauma response, my mind can go blank or it can feel like my brain is all cloudy and I can't find the throughline.

One of the things you can do if you feel yourself going into this state is to take a pause. Even if you're in the middle of a meeting, you can say that you need to take five minutes, and in fact, this practice is something you might want to discuss with your close teams or colleagues ahead of time.

I talked about this with my therapist recently and she agreed that taking a pause is key. During that time, the priority is to calm your nervous system down in whatever way works best for you. You can take slow deep breaths, massage your hands or shoulders, stretch, take a quick walk or jog on the spot, splash cold water on your face, do a quick body scan meditation, or even just touch a surface with the palm of your hands and focus on how it feels. You can listen to some soothing music for a few moments or use aromatherapy. Engaging the senses is a good way to self-soothe so maybe a cup of tea or a snack is what you need.

As you feel your nervous system calming down - do a quick power analysis. You may feel like you are the one without power in the situation but is that really true? In this context, does the person or people attacking you truly have more institutional or systemic power over you?

If so, are they in a trauma response and can you help them re-establish safety by reminding them of this? Name what is invisible to them.

And if not, what is coming up for you from your past at another time when perhaps you were in fact being attacked by someone with more power? Can you ground yourself in the present moment and remind yourself that this is a different situation?

So many times, harm occurs because the parties involved are bringing a different power analysis (or lack of a power analysis) to the situation. We see this over and over. A white woman might, for example, be reacting primarily in the context of their gender identity and is deep in their experience of patriarchy. Meanwhile, a man of color they are interacting with is very much experiencing the situation through the context of race and their experience of white supremacy. And the answer, as always, is that it's both/and and not either/or. It's not the oppression olympics but we have to take a nuanced view and consider various complex factors in the dynamic.

Senior leaders often feel threatened or attacked when they are the ones with the power, and they end up "punching down" without actually realizing it, and then wonder why their staff are afraid of speaking up for fear of retaliation. More often than not, they are not bringing a power analysis , and they are not seeing the advantages, protections and lack of obstacles that their privilege gives them.

A critical leadership skill is being able to bring an awareness of power differentials, understand that not everyone experiences things the way they do, and invite and take feedback without reacting defensively and shutting down their access to valuable input from staff.

A good leader needs to be able to be wrong, but often their power - and their trauma - prevent this from being possible.

It's not about stuffing down the feelings and emotions that might arise from trauma, but knowing when that when those feelings and emotions intersect with power to potentially create a negative impact, processing them privately is necessary in order to maintain safety for those who least have it, and mitigate that impact.

And then healing from trauma so we don't pass it on.

Banner photo by Shlomo Shalev on Unsplash.

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