The joy beneath grief
Back in 2016 I was in the midst of making a pivot from photography coach to parents into women’s leadership coaching and eventually DEI. At the time, I was realigning my career with how it felt like I could make the most impact on the things I cared about the most, yet still I passionately believed in photography as a powerful way to find joy in the present moment and all its emotions.
I started using the #resiliencethroughjoy tag on my photos as a way of acknowledging - yes the world is on fire, I’m not ignoring that, in fact it’s precisely the reason why I’m leaning into the joy that photography helps me connect to.
Photography still plays that role for me, and this past year I’ve been leaning back into that more than I have in a few years.
in our work, we also model, practice and encourage mindfulness as a critical DEI, leadership and culture tool. Being able to make space for, process, and acknowledge emotions means being able to self-regulate without stuffing. It is often in emotional dysregulation that we cause the most harm, especially when we are in power - but that doesn’t mean we don’t get to have emotions. In some ways it means it is more important to create space to have those emotions more safely so they don’t come out sideways in outbursts, misdirected blame and self-righteousness, defensiveness, fragility and more.
Don’t get me wrong - it will still happen. But the idea is that with increased self-regulation, we can also more quickly recognize and repair when it does happen.
None of this is new to me… but what has been new this week is realizing that, yes, grief is often the emotion underlying the closer to the surface emotions… but sometimes joy is the emotion underlying the closer to the surface emotions.
What if underneath the pain and hurt and fear and grief is… joy?
And what if when you give yourself space to work through the pain and hurt and fear and grief what you’re left with is… joy?
And what I mean by joy is… the joy of not just being present to all your emotions, but the healing that comes with being present to all your emotions, in other words, being present to and honoring your own humanity as well as that of others.
It’s the healing that comes from moving in the direction of truth - the multiple truths of different perspectives and experiences.
It’s healing from the lies upon which systemic oppression depends - that for a myriad of “reasons” some of us are more worthy and some of us are less worthy.
The truth is that we are all inherently worthy and do not need to defend or prove our worth.
That is my truth, anyway. It took years of work to truly articulate, understand, believe, metabolize and embody this truth.
This is the underlying work of decolonization, of healing, of recovery, of liberation, of being happy, joyous and free.
It’s also work that has to be done in community in order to be effective, ethical and sustainable - because if I believe I’m inherently worthy I have to believe that you are too. And not just believe it but integrate that into every aspect of my life.
And that is how it is that joy can be the feeling underlying pain and grief. Joy and healing can be the bedrock.
Joy is a choice and a practice, not just an outcome.
It doesn’t just have to be a thing on the side that gets you through the tough times, or the thing that results from the good times.
Joy can be the solid foundation that gives you the resilience to get through pain and heartbreak.
It can but doesn’t have to be spiritual bypassing - it can BE the spiritual work of collective healing and liberation.
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