Our first DEI brunch (that I didn’t get to attend but got unexpected healing from anyway…)
As I write this, it’s Saturday morning and Malaika and LaVoya from the CCI team are convening just a few blocks from my house to host our first ever DEI brunch!
Me? I’m down with covid, fortunately a mild case, but in consultation with my PCP, I’m following the original rather than current guidance and quarantining for five days.
And I feel… disappointed, yes of course, but also, surprisingly, I FEEL AMAZING!!!
But first, a recap
Ok let me back up a bit.
Or maybe a lot.
Remember 2019? The “before” times?
That was when my DEI consulting work was picking up to the point where I knew I needed:
a) collaborators, and
b) a brand from which to do the work that was more than just me and my name (I had been working under Alethea Cheng Fitzpatrick Consulting as a stopgap measure).
And so Co-Creating Inclusion was launched.
That year I was busy doing what founders, amongst many other things, do - I was out attending events, speaking, making connections, building relationships, and had been doing so for a few years.
The pandemic hits
And then, yup, March 2020 - and the pandemic hit.
Everything shut down.
DEI budgets were slashed instantly, and so were a lot of people in the workforce.
The stories kept coming in: people being laid off on the spot after 10, 15 years working at a company.
All the potential work we had in the pipeline came to a grinding halt.
Fortunately, we had some key nonprofit clients who held steady - both with DEI budgets and their workforce - and remained committed.
We even had a few clients renew contracts during that time.
But how would we find new work?
That summer: a wake-up call for some
Then George Floyd was brutally murdered by police.
And the world, cooped up in various levels of lockdown and quarantine, reeling from the already seismic changes that made more of us realize exactly how vulnerable we are to systems of oppression, just how duct taped together things already were -
we took notice.
Make no mistake, for some, especially Black folks, this wasn’t a wake-up call, this was just another day in America.
Just another day of screaming into the wind.
But it was a wake-up call for a lot of folks, especially white folks and white-led organizations.
Remember the earnest corporate statements? The rush to buy books like “White Fragility” and “How to Be an Anti-Racist”? The “checking in” with Black folks?
There was a kind of DEI panic, a “woke wave” as a white friend of mine called it at the time.
(I’ve stopped using the term woke with an eye roll and scare quotes now that it has been so thoroughly weaponized… I think the term should be reclaimed instead of used as a slur but that’s a discussion for another day.)
Within days, our inbox was inundated with a flood of inquiries, interest, and, how shall I put it, requests for our work.
Intersecting crises
So, at least for me personally but I know for many of us, there was a LOT going on. There were protests, continued over-policing, helicopters constantly flying over my historically Black Brooklyn neighborhood that is adjacent to downtown…
and my at-the-time elementary school-aged kids were “crashing out” (as they would say today) with zoom school.
I mean, it wasn’t even zoom school, it was asynchronous learning.
And by the way, all the playgrounds were closed even if it were safe to go outside or be around people.
So my boisterous, active, kinetic, and social boys were… not doing well.
Oh and also on top of the helicopters there was the constant sound of ambulances and pictures in the media of dead bodies being stored in refrigerated trucks outside the hospital just down the street from us because the morgues were full.
Add to that a healthy dose of anti-Asian hate and violence and I didn’t feel safe walking more than a few blocks from my house.
The extrovert who became a hermit
You get the point. It was tremendously overwhelming, and we were all to varying degrees going through it. Often in a crisis you can turn to people who are not directly impacted by your crisis for support…. but while we still weren’t all equally impacted, we were all directly impacted.
For all these different reasons, I became a bit of a hermit.
Even though I was an extrovert.
All I craved was silence and time alone.
And unexpectedly, work from all over the country was finding us.
We didn’t have to go out and find it.
So it came to be that although over the past two or three years I’ve resumed in-person social activities as well as some facilitation in person with our clients, I’ve been very selective about when I do that and have otherwise pretty much been head’s down with the work, kids, and my own recovery from the toll it has all taken.
The DEI backlash
Fast forward through the DEI panic and into the inevitable DEI backlash.
For those of us paying attention, it isn’t surprising - it’s a pattern, as described in Jackie Summers' brilliant article A pimple is most painful just before it bursts.
To be transparent, what it means is the work isn’t finding us so easily anymore.
DEI budgets are getting slashed. Entire DEI departments (and more of course) are getting dismantled.
There is a deliberate attempt to mischaracterize DEI in order to criminalize it, even though DEI is still legal.
Let me be clear: DEI can and must stay strong.
I firmly believe now is NOT the time to retreat - it’s time to double down.
We’re all so tired of saying it, but it’s not just a question of values, it’s a business decision - or do you want to follow in the footsteps of Target, who have experienced decreased foot traffic on a year-over-year basis since they announced their DEI rollbacks?
Meanwhile, Costco has seen a similar increase in foot traffic since they confirmed their continued commitment to DEI.
Once again, we are lucky - our nonprofit clients are holding strong.
But it’s time for us to expand our impact.
I’m ready to come out of hermit mode.
It’s time.
Well, not right at this exact moment while I’m still quarantining from covid…
But, you know, in general.
And honestly, I wasn’t sure I was ready.
When a trusted advisor suggested we host dinners, I have to admit that I balked.
This was someone I knew before the pandemic and I had the sense she was speaking to the pre-pandemic version of me - like it was no big deal, as I don’t think it would have been then.
Sure, host some dinners, sounds great!
I’m not that person anymore, I really am not.
“I don’t think you realize how much of a hermit I’ve become with the pandemic,” I said to her.
I said, ok, how about breakfast? That feels less daunting.
Malaika counter-offered… how about brunch?!
And so the DEI Brunch became a thing.
DEI Brunch: a different kind of gathering
No, to be clear, this isn’t a bunch of white folks asking for bouncy castles and mimosas as they protest the rise of fascism.
This is us, reaching to create a space for support, relief, connection… and yes even joy.
Especially joy.
Because if you can’t find joy in the work, what’s the point?
The whole point is joy.
The whole point is collective, inclusive, mutual, non-extractive, supportive, radical joy.
And the amazing thing is, in the process of creating this, I’ve found some more of that for myself, even though I’m not there!!!
Grief and growth: honoring past selves
I’m not that person of 2018, 2019, early 2020 when a lot of my current network was built.
There is grief in that.
I’m older, wiser, more tired.
There’s a lot I’ve been through since then that isn’t my story to publicly tell without breaking the confidentiality of others.
AND that person made me who I am today.
Right now I’m feeling really held and cared for by past-Alethea - because she formed amazing connections with brilliant people who are showing up right now as I write this for DEI brunch with my colleagues, along with many many more who responded to say they couldn’t make it but to definitely keep them posted about future events.
I’ve ended up feeling I’ve received far more support than I set out to offer.
Although I also trust in reciprocity.
But I really wasn’t expecting the creation of this brunch itself to be a healing journey.
Without even attending!
And even knowing it would have been even more powerful if I had…
but there will be time for that.
Looking ahead
A push out of my comfort zone has turned into so much more…
It has turned into a chance to reconnect with parts of myself that had become dormant.
It has turned into a chance for us at CCI to deepen our impact in new ways - but in our way, on our terms.
I want to add “and even in an unfavorable climate” but these times are only unprecedented if you haven’t been paying attention to precedent.
The climate has never been favorable.
Or you could say, the climate has never been more favorable.
Yes the climate shifts.
Yes there are seasons.
Yes we have to adjust.
But what I’m seeing - and what I experienced in reaching out to my network - is:
The commitment to DEI is as strong as ever, maybe even stronger.
Yes, we need to regroup and figure out what that looks like at this time.
Yes, some pretty big players have rolled back their support and that can feel like a deep betrayal - but what does that tell us about the quality of their support in the first place?
Let’s keep going.
It’s Sunday evening now and I heard the brunch went really well. People stayed for almost four hours which I think is a testament to itself! We defined this as an experiment, so I’ll be regrouping with the team this week to decide on our next steps, but in the meantime, if you’re interested in joining us if we do future events:
Fill out our DEI brunch interest form here!
Banner photo by Alethea Cheng Fitzpatrick
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